I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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