I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
