If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
