I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
