she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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