at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
