sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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