You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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