I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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