Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
