Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
