The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she peed on how many people?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
