dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
