So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
