I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize