im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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