Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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