Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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