Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
