Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
