My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
