Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
