I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
