my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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