Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
