Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
