My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
