i may or may not be watching the land before time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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