...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
