you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
