Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
