I'm really into asian looking animals
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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