Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
