she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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