yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
