I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
