Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
