There was a lot of him and a little penis
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
