I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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