Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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