Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
