I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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