Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
