what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
