jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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