just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
