where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
