fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
