Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
