This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
