so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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