she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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