dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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