Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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