Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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