see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
