You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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