My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
