I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
