Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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