Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
