The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
