a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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