He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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