We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize