if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
