I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
